January 10, 2007
The simple life
Click here and then sit back, relax and enjoy the simple, yet remarkable life of mother nature and some of the animals she created.
December 20, 2006
My Christmas poem by Sharon Steege
This poem was originally published by member Deebomb in MyLot of December 17, 2006
MY CHRISTMAS
I don’t know who they are,
Saying I can’t greet the crowd
The way that I want to.
Can’t say CHRISTMAS out loud.
I walk into a business place,
See things that I rather not see,
But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
And ask for a “holiday” tree.
What happened to freedom of speech
And living in the land of the free
How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
But can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.
Men and women have given their lives
So we could still go free
I wonder how they would feel
At saying “HOLIDAY” TREE.
Come on AMERICA let’s wake up
Don’t let our freedom escape
If they get by with doing this
What else will they take.
This is starting to get out of hand,
And I’ve begun to keep track
Well I’ve just about had enough
I’M TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK.
So MERRY CHRISTMAS AMERICA
I hope this gets all over the net
If we all stand united and take freedom back
‘Twill be our best CHRISTMAS YET!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
MY CHRISTMAS
I don’t know who they are,
Saying I can’t greet the crowd
The way that I want to.
Can’t say CHRISTMAS out loud.
I walk into a business place,
See things that I rather not see,
But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
And ask for a “holiday” tree.
What happened to freedom of speech
And living in the land of the free
How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
But can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.
Men and women have given their lives
So we could still go free
I wonder how they would feel
At saying “HOLIDAY” TREE.
Come on AMERICA let’s wake up
Don’t let our freedom escape
If they get by with doing this
What else will they take.
This is starting to get out of hand,
And I’ve begun to keep track
Well I’ve just about had enough
I’M TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK.
So MERRY CHRISTMAS AMERICA
I hope this gets all over the net
If we all stand united and take freedom back
‘Twill be our best CHRISTMAS YET!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
December 16, 2006
Click December 14, 2006
Label instructions in honour of stupid people!
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish Chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
Science papers (or out of the mouths of boobs... er, babes!)
These comments come from test papers and essays submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students and compiled at the NEA Life Sciences Symposium, Kansas City, Kansas. As the originator noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades." Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.
1. The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
1. The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
2. Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
3. H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
4. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
5. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
6. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
8. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
9. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
10. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
11. Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
12. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes themperspire.
13. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
14. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
15. The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.
16. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
17. A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
18. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
19. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
20. Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
21. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
22. Liter: A nest of young puppies.
23. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
24. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
25. Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
26. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
27. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
28. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
29. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
30. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
31. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
32. For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.
33. To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
4. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
5. When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
6. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
7. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
8. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
9. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
10. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
11. Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
12. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes themperspire.
13. A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
14. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
15. The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.
16. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
17. A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
18. The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
19. A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
20. Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
21. Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
22. Liter: A nest of young puppies.
23. Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
24. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
25. Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
26. Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
27. Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
28. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
29. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
30. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.
31. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
32. For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.
33. To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
November 28, 2006
Murphy's other laws
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
November 16, 2006
Best Irish joke of 2006
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.""Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
November 11, 2006
November 03, 2006
The secret of your age...
- Choose a number from 0 - 7.
- Multiply it by 2.
- Add 5.
- Multiply by 50.
- If your birthday has passed already in 2006, add 1756 to the figure, otherwise add 1755.
- Last step: deduct your birth year from this total.
- Now you get a 3 digit number.
The first digit is the number you choose at the start.
The balance two digits is your age at this moment.
You ought to admit : it's just as simple as this!
However, this game is only valid in 2006.
Quiz for brainiacs!
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.
Answers to quiz:
1. Boxing 2. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. 3. Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. Strawberry.
5. The pear grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.) 6. Dwarf, dwell and dwindle. 7. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 8. Lettuce. 9. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
- Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
- What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
- Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
- What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
- In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
- Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.
- There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
- Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
- Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."
Answers to quiz:
1. Boxing 2. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. 3. Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. Strawberry.
5. The pear grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.) 6. Dwarf, dwell and dwindle. 7. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 8. Lettuce. 9. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.
November 02, 2006
Can You See These?
In black you can read the word GOOD, in white the word EVIL (inside each black letter is a white letter). It's all very filosophical too, because it visualises the concept that good can't exist whithout evil (or the absence of good is evil ).
Can you see why this painting is called optical illusion ? You may not see it at first, but the white spaces read the word optical, the blue landscape reads the word illusion. See for yourself!
The word TEACH reflects as LEARN.
In brown you can read ME, and when you look through you can read YOU.
Read this text aloud.
The word THE is repeated twice...but did u notice???
Breast or bottle fed?
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. "Breast-fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."
Raising boys!
a) For those who have grown children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and
brake fluid.
b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and
brake fluid.
November 01, 2006
The Goodbye Letter
A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed,"Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her skin-tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad she'spregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a tiny trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. You taught me well. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, your son,
John
P.S. Dad, None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
October 31, 2006
Oui, oui, oui!
If French is what you like, here I have an address that I would like to recommend to you. even though I have already mentioned it before for its pictures of countries and cities around the world. This time, though, I will refer you to their Puzzles section, which covers a selection of themes. After you have entered (Entrez) the site you can go to the bottom of the next page and click on the flags to view the site in English or German. One can download the puzzles, or solve them online and solving times are given. They also have a section of puzzles for children. Of note are also the sections about the Louvre Museum and French painters Gauguin and Cezanne.
Jigsaw puzzle exercises!
If you would like to keep your brain exercised, then I would recommend you subscribe to Jigzone's Puzzle-of-the-Day to receive it by email every morning! They have a variety of themes, including:
- animals
- art
- flowers & gardens
- nature scenes
- ocean life
- sport
- transport
- travel
- things
They also have different cuts, such as:
- classical
- bulbs
- crazy
- zigzag
- triangles
Every morning you could be challenged and pleasantly surprised by the colour, cut, theme or difficulty level of the day's puzzle. To download it you only need to click here!
Create your own Pocket Mod: the free, disposable personal organiser!
The PocketMod is a small book with guides on each page. These guides or templates, combined with a unique folding style, enable a normal piece of paper to become the ultimate note card! Your organiser could have:
- blank pages, lines, grids, or even musical sheets;
- calendars (daily, weekly, monthly, appointment timesheets or yearly);
- organisers (shopping, names, addresses, telephones, check book);
- games (dots, tic, tac, toe, Sudoku). You could even create your own free travel Sudoku book to take with you on your next trip!
- emergency numbers
Click here to down load the PocketMod organisational wonder!
October 30, 2006
Did you ever wonder what Kiwis think of Oz?
In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footymatches & going to the beach and BBQ's. He created night for going fishing, sleeping and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.
On the second day, God created water - for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on the beach, and God saw that it was good.
On the third Day God created the earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good.
On the fourth day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.
On the fifth day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.
On the sixth day God saw that the bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created mates, and God saw that they were good blokes, and God saw that it was good.
On the seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires. He heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good.
Well ... Almost good.
He saw that the blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!
IT WAS AUSTRALIA!!!
Pictures from around the world!
Click here to view pictures of cities and countries around the world, with every continent
being represented. The site is originally in French, but one can click on
the English and German flags at the bottom to view it in those languages.
Mexican Jews
Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
Sid asked Al,
"Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied,
"I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
And the waiter said,
"I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cook."
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said
"No sir, no Mexican Jews."Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked,
"Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer,
"I will check again,Senor!"
And went back into the kitchen. While the waiter was away, Sid said,
"I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico , Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returned and said
"Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?"
Al asked once again.
"I can't believe you have no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE,"replied the exasperated waiter,
"All we have is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, and Grape Jews."
Sid asked Al,
"Are there any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"
Al replied,
"I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
And the waiter said,
"I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cook."
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said
"No sir, no Mexican Jews."Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked,
"Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave the expected answer,
"I will check again,Senor!"
And went back into the kitchen. While the waiter was away, Sid said,
"I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico , Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returned and said
"Senor, the head cook said there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?"
Al asked once again.
"I can't believe you have no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE,"replied the exasperated waiter,
"All we have is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews, and Grape Jews."
The sound
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accepts him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self- deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open.
Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
The monks graciously accepts him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
Distraught, the man is forced to leave.
Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk."
The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self- deception."
The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open.
Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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About Me
- Sylvia
- Under the sign of Aquarius I was born in Lima, Peru, on the shores of the Pacific Ocean. I have lived in many lands, including Australia, the Caribbean and I now live in Austria.
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